Our Kids Are Backordered

So far we've seen one IVF Specialist. He was like Dr. House in real life. Very intelligent man but ZERO people skills. After finishing our consultation in his office, he told us to wait to speak with his nurse and financial counselor. I needed to use the toilet and on my way there, a nurse asked me my name and then told me to come back to her when I finished because she was going to draw my blood to begin the lab tests. I was shocked, while relieving myself, I thought to myself; I never consented to begin any testing or anything at all...WE hadn't even been given any prices yet! I felt that we were being taken for a ride. When I exited the bathroom, my husband and the nurse were standing outside. I had to speak up. I told her that I would not feel comfortable doing any labs until my husband and I had a chance to decide if we wanted to proceed, naturally deciding whether to go forward is a big step plus we hadn't even been given prices! The nurse said OK, and introduced us to the actual nurse, "Nurse S" that works alongside the IVF Dr. whom I will call Dr. P.  Nurse S took the time to explain the entire IVF process, all the meds, all the tests, absolutely everything. I'm guessing that in an effort to make us feel better, she cracked a lot of jokes and acted a little goofy. I felt that it was unprofessional, although she was a million times more likable and compassionate (off 1st impression) than Dr. P. She told us not to expect empathy nor emotion from Dr. P. She said other patients complained about it but that's the reason why she is available to help meet the emotional needs of the patients.
I'm so glad I spoke up and said no to the lab tests because my husband was uncomfortable too. Why the heck would I get my blood drawn at the IVF clinic and pay hundreds when I can have our insurance pay for all of it if I get it done at my Gynecologist's office? Why would a customer pay for a product without knowing the price first???? I felt this clinic was unprofessional and was sneaky. Nurse S told us the financial counselor was gone for the day so we wouldn't get a chance to talk about finances. I'm a very head strong person and question, second guess, and distrust easily. This isn't always a good quality. I fear those qualities are what will make deciding on which IVF Dr. to use difficult for us.
I don't think I will feel comfortable seeing Dr. P aka Dr. House again. IVF is pretty much letting other people make your child. I want to make sure the people chosen to do the job are people that I can trust.
We might go visit another clinic's open house type thing tomorrow. All female prospective patients will get their ovarian reserve tested for free. Catch is they will keep your info and we have to wake up at 8 a.m. on a Saturday...or we can just enjoy cuddling in bed :-) and schedule a consult for another day.

Infertility means you are fucked. It means that you may have to wait indefinitely for the stork to deliver your backordered kids. It means you might just die as the little old crazy cat lady that gets eaten by her cats if you out live your husband. Infertility means that you will have to watch as all the crazy people and drug addicts in the world have kids and neglect and abuse them. You'll have to zone out as some of the assholes in your life tell you "maybe it's a sign from G-d that you weren't meant to have kids." You will see pregnant women everywhere when you never noticed them before. You'll have to somehow have courage to buy baby items for your expectant friends without crying at Target.

OK I'M EXAGGERATING A LITTLE...the truth is only people experiencing infertility really know what "it" feels like and it's different for each person (couple). This blog is where I write what my inner creepy little voice thinks about our experience through infertility so far. Sometimes I might ask my husband to contribute. We'll see how successful I am in convincing him to share his thoughts.